I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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