The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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