Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
