in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think your dad took our porno
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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