i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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