apparently the secret to your success is patron
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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