Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
