the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
