Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think i have two assholes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i out mim tonsoeep
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