We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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