Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Congratulations! We have a period
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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