Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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