how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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