it's too hot outside to masturbate.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
