eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
