Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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