he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
