I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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