just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
