Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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