If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
