so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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