I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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