It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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