It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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