No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
