I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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