ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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