I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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