Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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