I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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