Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
