she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
