the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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