They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
