look no pants
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
