I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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