So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize