Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
