And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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