i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm really busy with my period
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