I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
