My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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