Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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