I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
