i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
