Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How's work?
Spinning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
