whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
