you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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