So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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