I wish I could teleport
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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