you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
