From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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