There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
