I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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