Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
