they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
