I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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