I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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