Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize