Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
