I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
