it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
