By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
