Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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