Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
