i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
