You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
