Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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