Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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