does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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