make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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