I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
